Anonymous asked: I don't mean to be annoying but I wanted your advice on something. There's this girl at school, and she's perfect for me, but she's always dating guys that don't appreciate her the way she deserves. How can I get her to notice me without being like the assholes she dates? Or should I just act like them?

Well, it’s going to be a little difficult for me to answer this question for you since I don’t know you, or the girl in question. Plus, I don’t know the history between the two of you, but I’ll give you an answer based on what little information you’ve told me.

First of all, this whole “she’s the perfect girl for me” outlook is detrimental for both you and her. You probably think you’re being a “nice guy who sees her for who she really is” but the truth is, you’re projecting all of these unrealistic fantasies, and ideas onto her that she couldn’t possibly live up to, since she’s human. Also, everyone has insecurities, especially girls in high school, and her seeing that you aren’t aware of this and you putting her up on a pedestal makes her view you as naive and probably has her taking you for granted. People want to be wanted, but people really want what they can’t have. That’s just human nature. Girls are more than capable of doing things on their own, and being strong, but that doesn’t mean they don’t desire men who are leaders, and can take care of them if need be. You’re presenting yourself as the opposite if you’re pining after her like this. Again, I don’t know you, but from what you’re saying, it sounds as if you’re following her around and judging every guy she chooses to be with who isn’t you as “assholes.” That attitude isn’t going to help you. If she’s not into you, then move on, because if you don’t then you’d only be doing yourself a disservice. You have to remember — there are always other girls out there. You might be missing out or oblivious to the ones who are into you because you’re too focused on one person. Also, you have to realize that no matter how “perfect” someone seems, you don’t actually know how well the two of you will work together until you’re actually in the relationship. So, slow down on the “perfect” talk, and just take things one day at a time. And, acting like an asshole, or acting like the guys she’s into is only going to lead you down a path where you’ll lose your identity and everything that makes you special. Just be yourself, and get with the girls who like you for you. Hope this helps and good luck to you.

~ C.J. Johnson