Anonymous asked: I've had genital warts for 3 years and haven't dated a guy since. I know that theyll just think im this disgusting slut and be repulsed by me if it ever gets to sex. i feel so lonely and its been so long since i've even kissed a guy but i cant do it. i feel worthless and suicidal because i know nobody will ever love me. I dont know why i'm telling you all this but i love your work and i love the answers you gave to other people and i want your advice PLEASE? ive never talked to anyone about this
I wanted to have some time to think about this and give you a well thought out response, which is why I’m just now answering your question. Before I say anything, I again want to stress to you and anybody else reading this that I’m in no way a relationship expert, but if you want my advice, I don’t mind giving it to you. I don’t have much information to go off of(your age, social life, past relationships, personality type, etc.) but I will say that many times our problems seem larger in our heads than they actually are. That’s not to invalidate your feelings, but I just want you to know that beating yourself up about it, and feeling worthless isn’t a proactive response. So, you have an STD, genital warts to be more specific, right? And, you haven’t been intimate with a guy, but you’re longing to? Alright, then my advice is to start dating and once things are going well, and you’re about to become physically intimate, just be straightforward and let him know that you’re feeling self conscious about this. If you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s a lot more likely that he’ll overlook this, trust me. You might be afraid to tell him, but you have to. First of all, it’s the moral thing to do, not to mention it’s also the healthy thing to do. I’m not going to lie to you and say that every guy is going to just take this information in stride, but trust me, you will find someone who understands and still wants to be with you.
Now, from a practical standpoint, once you are with someone, and you’ve told him, it’s important that he gets treatment of some type(I’m not an expert on HPV’s either, but I’m sure treatment or vaccines exist) so that the two of you can have a healthy relationship. We’re all adults, and if you want a strong relationship, communication is the key. In your case, you have to reveal something embarrassing about yourself fairly early on, but at least you know that whomever does stay with you is in it for long term reasons. Having an STD like this doesn’t mean that you have to live in isolated shame, but it does mean you have to be braver than the average person. But, you have to put yourself out there, and see what happens. The results of doing so might be painful depending on who you meet, but there’s a bigger chance than you think that they’ll also be very rewarding. Letting this paralyze you is doing a disservice to you and any other man who might potentially be interested in getting to know you. I’m glad that you’re enjoying Social Skills, and that you felt you could ask me this, and I hope I’ve helped in some way. But, I think the best thing to do would be to talk to your physician, or even a therapist who has experience in dealing with similar patients. Good luck to you.
